skinship

such a beautiful phrase that embraces the levels of connection we experience through a loving touch from another.

i was reminded of this beautiful phrase whilst listening to zainab yate during her virtual book launch of when breastfeeding sucks, which sounds like a truly important read, to help those experiencing nursing aversion & agitation, to understand & navigate through the emotional journey of this often unspoken side of breastfeeding.

skinship, in basic terms, describes the closeness, intimacy, bond & feelings of affection that are enhanced through touch & skin to skin contact, between two people. the origins of the term are found within japan, スキンシップ sukinshippu, and south korea, 스킨십 seukinsip, where these words have been used for decades. skinship, is a japanese-coined english word, a rough translation of the asian phrases, and said to combine the words “skin” with “kinship”.

when we touch someone with a gentle affection, holding their hand, a warm hug, stroking their hair, we communicate with them in a deep & sensory way. without words we can tell a loved one that we care for them, we love them, we can comfort & support them with a kind touch, and we give that person a message that they are important & safe with us.

skinship is also interpreted in japan as a philosophy of early childhood attachment & parenting, where closeness, intimate connection & bonding through physical touch are advocated for, as being beneficial for the child’s development. family beds, extended breastfeeding & flexible parental leave are supported & encouraged in japan.

debbie treijs wrote about the concept of kinship for her article, “japanese skinship; healthy touching between parent and child,” mothering magazine, in 1999;

“skinship is a japanese/english word developed during a world health organization meeting in japan in 1940. it describes the physical closeness between a mother and her child. when a child receives an abundance of skinship, the child is better able to handle stressful situations and will mature into an emotionally stable adult.”

i love this reference to parenting, it just makes so much sense! the mother is mentioned here, but of course we don’t need to contain this to the mother, or those who identify as a mother, this can be experienced by both parents, and caregivers.

so, how can parenting in this close, connected & tactile way benefit your child?

well, humans are shown to develop their senses in a definitive order. first is the tactile sense - touch. second is our sense of hearing, and then follows our visual senses. holding your baby supports all of their primary development & helps them to feel securely attached. the benefits of skin to skin are much more widely discussed and promoted now, i’ve written a lot about this in my blog about the golden hour.

we know that when you hold your baby skin to skin, the touch, warmth & microbiome of your skin will help to stimulate and regulate your baby’s heartbeat. physical contact with you helps them to find their internal balance points to regulate their own heart rate, blood pressure & glucose levels. when your baby feels the safety & security of your touch, their automatic nervous system actually creates connections for emotional pathways, generating the building blocks for their body’s own self-regulation. 

when we feel the affection of a loving touch, our bodies react in a physiological way - we secrete that beautiful hormone, oxytocin, the hormone of love and attachment. oxytocin helps us to feel relaxed, calm, happy and deepens the feelings of affection and heightens the bond & trust between the two people. for your child this can help to build greater social skills, increase emotional resilience and help to strengthen their tolerance of stress.

for the mother or parent, of course we also feel the benefits of skinship too, as stress is alleviated, anxiety reduced, and the heightened bond we feel with our baby & child promotes our trust in our own parenting choices.

when we hold our baby close we also engage in all of their senses, over and above touch. the sound of your voice as you shuuuussshhhh in their ear, and the audible sound of your heartbeat when they lay on your chest. eye contact between you & your baby is a beautiful & connected way to communicate with them as they bond & learn from you. holding them close, your baby can smell the uniqueness of your skin, pheromones within the sweat on the surface of your skin define you to your baby and attract them towards you for their safety & source of nourishment. there are studies that show a baby can smell their mother from two feet away!

skinship is not prescriptive, it’s fundamentally about bonding with your baby through closeness and touch. ways in which you could explore this connection could include, breastfeeding, skin to skin embrace, bathing together, massage, carrying your baby in arms or in a sling, co-sleeping, singing, talking & playing with your baby. really it’s about keeping them close, and bringing them in to be a part of your family life.

i think we could all look to embrace the beautiful idea of skinship, to benefit our babies, our relationships and ourselves too.

emma xx

i explore these philosophies in my birth & postpartum preparation classes, if you would like to learn more about how i can support you in this time, please take a look at my offerings, or feel free to drop me a message :)

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